Well, are we not? You know, just a little mucked up? Yes, you can replace that word with what you think. To me it seems like everyone has a story to tell about their crazy family. Look at all the shows, “And the blame goes to...your screwed, otherwise known as mucked up, parenting". The shows that depict mucked up parenting seem to be popular and endless. My mom was a drug addict, my dad cheated on my mom then my mom tried to kill me in a lake, my mom tried to keep me at home by drugging me with dog medicine, my mother pushed me too hard and loves my sister more. These are all common themes from shows I have watched recently. Get my point?
Anyhow, what is the turning point when you realize you are royally mucking up as a parent? What will be the red carpet mucked up parenting moment? Is it when you took the Xbox out of your kid's room during COVID? Is is when you started to let them in on life not being so perfect? "Well boys, your grandpa had a bit of an alcohol problem, that is why I hope you stay clear of alcohol".
I miss the days when my boys couldn't sleep because Santa was coming. When they ran across the room to give me bear hugs after returning from a trip. When they enjoyed playing board games and would bug me till I played. I remember being so tired but still playing. Not sure I enjoyed it the way I wished I had. Like my father, when they were younger, I worked all the time.
The fact is you really don't understand how important and meaningful all of this is until they wake up one day as a teenager. No one prepared me for this part of parenting. I just thought I was my reclusive teenager self because the parenting was all mucked up. That my parenting would be different and my children would like me and want to hangout with me. Boy oh boy, did I have that wrong! It was like they went to bed with no acne then woke up with a cracked voice, acne and not liking me or my husband. Yep, their biological father, no evil step father. They also know everything, this was expected.
During a COVID isolation period there was an awful realization that I have some mucked up parenting behaviors. My parenting didn't change as my boys changed. No one really tells you this. I was warned about becoming my parents during a conference some 20 years ago. They said, "We know what we know from our parents". What I heard was..."You will become your parents.", LOL. I remember thinking, "They have no idea what they are talking about. I will study on how to be a good parent and not make the same mistakes. I will ask lots of questions to those I deem good parents.".
20 years into the
future I am learning the hard truth, there is no such thing as perfect
parenting. I am mucking up this parenting thing. When you hear your
child speak or say the exact same phrases, there is no denying something is
passing on. Or act like you on the tennis court, UGH. Now, if you don't like
what you are hearing or seeing, think about where that might be coming from.
Yep, it was coming from ME!
Teenagers need more
support than what they know. They need more accountability than ever before. My
parenting has to change. Yes, we will all muck up, at one point or
another...but my focus will be on what can be done to help make things better
for the boys. How did I deal with the stress from COVID? As I know all to well
from my bad behaviors, this too can be mirrored. Now more than ever, I am
paying more attention to how I behave and hoping the positive stuff is rubbing
off. You see, there is nothing in this world that I love more than my boys.
Therefore my new year's resolution is to work harder at more specific things
that help my boys through this strange and difficult time.A word of advice if you too are struggling with the same things,...Stop beating yourself up and keep on trying. Not everything is bad so make sure to also recognize the good. And, to help give you something to look forward to, I hear from good parents that the teenage thing gets better as they transition into adulthood.
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