"Happy are they that can hear their detractions and put them to mending."
-William Shakespeare
Who else but me would have a large carving pumpkin and three pie pumpkins at the end of the counter in January? There are several excuses as to "why" those pumpkins are there; from photography backdrop to a healthy additive to my morning protein shake. YUM!
My husband asked just the other day, "Can we PLEASE get these pumpkins off the counter and outside to feed the squirrels?". That was a very clever tactic, I must admit. He knows how much I love animals. However, the need to finish a video project was greater than the stomachs of the squirrels. At least that was the reason flavor of the day. It changes based on my mood.
"When will you finish the pumpkin project and do all the things you said you were going to do?" I began to ponder, "How many things are there that were just left undone?" These questions started to surface while thinking about the new year and how I would like things to change. That is when I got to work thinking about deadlines and the promises made. "What happens when projects don't complete by the deadline? Is it even a realistic deadline you were giving it?" All good thoughts one early morning. For the pumpkins, they have to go. If the deadline is not met then I will feed the squirrels!
People have asked me, "How do you do everything you are doing?" In my head I am laughing because I know about the pumpkins and they do not. But, I am honest and let them know, "You have no idea how much is not done!" There are so many pumpkins at the end of the counter examples.
My interests are immense and unrealistic for the time we are given on earth. I have always been someone that searches to know and learn new things. I am in awe with how many topics give me joy and don't want to miss out on the unknown. To help with time and interest, I have combine this thirst for knowledge into topics that help with what I do at home and work. The same thing I did with Art Totality and family time. I rationalize the unrealistic waking hours by saying things like, "I need my alone time. This is when I do my best thinking. This time is not sacrificing any family time and it is only short term till I get this and that done.”
There is a trade off between how super messy and unorganized my house is and tennis, sleep and art projects. We only have a certain amount of time and how we allocate it is important. The hardest thing for me is to realize that I can not fit 48 hours into 24. But by golly, I will sure the hell try, and it seems that the willingness to die trying is there too.
Sometimes hitting rock bottom has to happen before reality can set in. During my 9 day symptom stent of having COVID, my body and mind would not function properly. And for the first time that I can remember, my desire to do so did too. All I could do was think about how much I needed sleep. The more I tried to work, the more my body fought back. This was all new to me. As a result, "Let it go!" became my new mantra.
The desire has returned, but now I have a different perspective. The plan is to review all the things that were put on the shelf for later, evaluate the need, then figure out the best way to accomplish those with high priority. My body naturally wakes up at 4 am. I really don't see that changing since it is natural. However, if I want to go back to sleep, I am learning to give myself the "ok".
As for the pumpkins at the end of the counter, two of the three pie pumpkins are now puree for my favorite vanilla protein shake. The seeds were roasted for my oldest son and I. Next weekend I will make the carving video and will paint the one pie pumpkin. If this doesn't happen, we will have some pretty happy squirrels in my neighborhood. I am ok with that too!
I ran out of time so the squirrels were pretty happy in the neighborhood!
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