Oh my gosh, my heart is racing when I see that the one and only Keanu Reeves likes 4 of my Instagram photos, back-to-back. Thinking to myself, "Keanu, you are so adorable. Your brown dreamy eyes, long dark hair, and the rugged look you have is so mysterious." Every moment from the first like, I am consumed with thoughts about how great our life would be if he got to know me. "Private jet rides, exquisite dinners, luxurious gifts. Our life together would be so passionate, full of possibilities."
Within one
day of liking my photos comes the request to follow me. I am so elated at
all the possibilities that I jump up and down. "Heck yeah, he will
love me, right?", I think to myself as I dreamily listen to my audio
book. Then he asks, "How is your weekend going and sends me a
virtual rose." My response is this, NOTHING. Really people,
did you think I believed Keanu has time to like 4 of my photos and then ask how
I am doing? My curiosity of this new online world intensified, that is all.
This
article is about online predators, how to navigate the waters, and not to give
up. I feel that I am pretty good at knowing what is happening in the physical
world. It is the online world that is mostly new as it relates to being
single. For the record, I did not ask for this online world to open. It happened when I changed my relationship
status from Married to nothing on Facebook.
A lot of this will not make sense unless I teleport you back in time to
a conversation at a bar that took place about a month ago.
After an art event a friend and I went to
the bar section of a swanky restaurant. She and I sat at the bar for a “night
cap” before we called it for the evening. Very quickly it becomes evident
that "S" (my friend) knows the bartender well. He knows exactly
what she likes to drink. There is nothing ordinary about "S",
therefore I knew there was a bartender bond when the olives she liked were
dipped into the martini with her not having to ask for them. Damn this
bartender is good. Plus, a sexy smile on
top of that.
After a few
minutes of small talk between "S", the bartender and myself, we
approached the topic of being single and navigating a whole new world that did
not exist when I was single last, online. "Oh my, you are like chum
in shark infested waters." the bartender explains. There was a laid-back
interest in what he had to say. That was a nice feeling, no agenda!
"S" enters the conversation reminding the bartender he is married,
and he explains, "I am not married." "S" then says,
"You might as well be, you have two kids with your girlfriend, you should
be married." That is when I interject, "Oh my, don't get
married. Stupid idea, totally". "S", then points out
what was already discussed, "She is recently divorced, you can't listen to
her". The bartender gives "S" a devilish smile, looks
her in the eyes and says all the things I feel and have felt about marriage in
one sentence, "Why do I need a piece of paper to tell me something when we
both know." At the same time, he was speaking I was taking a fairly
large gulp of my Goose drink and almost spit it out when I heard his
words. That is when I interject, "That is exactly right, you do not
need a stupid piece of paper." My excitement is a bit over animated due to
Grey Goose.
We continue
to discuss the online topic, what it is like being a newly single woman and
navigating those waters. "Has this happened yet?", the
bartender proceeds. "Oh, it is coming...". Now, this article is
not X rated so I will not reveal all that was disclosed. What I do have
to say is this, the stuff he told me would happen, did happen! It was like he had ESP. The positive
thing is I am very secure in who I am. If things compromise my morals, I
simply do not do them. It is really that simple. However, it was
nice to get the heads up on what was coming, because I had no clue. This
BRAVE new world keeps getting more interesting as time goes on.
To sum up where
the idea came from for this blog is, Keanu and the bar conversation. My
hope is to relate what I feel is happening by using a few apex predators,
sharks as analogies, to steer clear of. These sharks are the ones
navigating the chum waters that were discussed in the bar. They take
advantage of people's emotions. I am almost certain some of these sharks
have ties to when a relationship status changes.
Let me start with the most dangerous, the
Bull Shark (BS). These predators can swim between the physical world and
the online world, effortlessly. In a lot of cases the BS has more than
one account online. Their main objective is to build trust to the point
you will share things that will compromise your financial status. The
important thing to remember with all the sharks is this; "If it is too
good to be true, then it is probably not." Right Keanu? Trust
your instincts. Watch the "Tinder Swindler" (you know the
beautiful BS Shark Simon Leviev), you can learn a lot from those women. Make sure not to go too crazy with judgement. I almost blocked someone that ended up being
very important to me.
Moving on, the Great White. This
shark is one broken soul. The Great White (GW) wants to cause emotional
destruction to all those that are close by. The GW has so much hate
inside that they want others to feel the same way, these are the women or men
haters. They want nothing more than to play games, then to leave you
broken in a pool of bloody water. This makes them feel better. In
some sick twisted way, they are paying back the shark that did it to
them. Kind of messed up, isn't it? The best protection from GW is
to verify the intent of the relationship to yourself. This comes with
time. Take is slow and really listen to what is being said. If
they hate, it will come out and you will know. Trust
yourself.
The hardest thing for someone that is
newly single is to identify the other fish that are simply swimming in the
water with you. It is hard to trust knowing apex predators are out
there. The innocent fish are the ones
that have no ill intent with a relationship. They are tired of being
lonely and may just want someone to talk to like you. When you find a fish
with no agenda, it can be liberating, exhilarating, fun, and the list can go
on. If all is innocent, strong relationships can form to the point where
you know this is someone special. Especially if you have never met anyone
like you. Keep in mind, you can still get
heartbroken when you lose a fish, especially one that is like you. Being honest about the intent of the
relationship can help. You cannot
control anyone else. They may still say,
“Goodbye”. If you give yourself time to
heal from your past relationship and you are secure in yourself, you will
respect the “Goodbye” and hope that the fish comes back. You never know, they might think you are one
of the apex predators.
The moral
of this story is this, after a relationship ends it is important to give
yourself time to learn from the experience you just left. Enjoy the
things you have always wanted to do and don’t rely on someone else to bring you
happiness. You must dig deep into the sorrow
and feel the pain. It is “ok” to
cry. Know that you are a good person
that had a rough experience. Life can be
unpredictable, and that is “ok” because you are strong. Learning, growing, and loving yourself makes
you strong. You are a beautiful creature and life can be full of so much. It is all up to you on what that becomes. Once you accept life and
people in the entirety of how it is and they are, love comes to you. I
am very fortunate to have friends I 100% trust.
They accept me for all my beauty and ugliness. If you have such friends, they might see and
recommend things that will help your growth.
My friends, every day I am growing.
I am not the same person I was yesterday.
When you are ready to date, slowly dip
yourself into the waters. If something
seems “fishy”, investigate. Use logic
and intuition. Know and stick to your
value system and do not share anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or
goes against it. There are good people out there who are going through
the same things. You never know, your once and a lifetime partner might
be one of those fish that learned about the sharks before you.
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